August 5th, 2010
I always seem to discover so much truth when I'm alone. Not the kind of truth that turns your world upside down or right side up, but rather brings out the simplicities of life in general. If I were to ever find such ways to extract these joys out of such little discoveries, then I feel that I could be a whole; A complete. I would be so susceptible to life-changing experiences and ever-changing growth of wisdom and knowledge. If only I could lay my pretend halo down for more than a night, then I could shockingly be free. Yet is freedom really free nowadays? Only my definition of "free" is not nearly as other-worldly as others. Don't expect me to explain because I have difficulty as is shoving my thoughts into words. I am bewildered that life itself refuses to bow down to sanity or insanity, but I do believe I fancy it better that way anyhow. I will probably never learn to throw my guard down and be entirely and irrevocably free, which scares and shocks me at the same time. As meaningless as religion is to me, my curiosity cannot help but prowl and nag at such atrocities. I could always be wrong. The discovery of the little amenities of living humanely and harmonically are such brilliant concepts to me, and in which I have lost faith in entirely. Every little aspect of life from breathing, to feelings, to senses simply blows my entire perspective out of proportion. Why is it that we have acquired such necessities? Why are our complexities so unjust at times? I continue to feed my need to figure these sorts of "barriers" and ever-growing bushes of wisdom out on my own, but when is it ever enough? Is there ever a point of enough? Is there an end of the tunnel or does it continue to stretch unknowingly and/or unwillingly? I've built my own knowledge base on my own personal experience and others' as well, only taking wanted input here and there. I guess this wonderful stubbornness has grown on me through my teenaged years, not to mention the fact that it's in my blood. Thank you Papa, I sure adore it. I am bound to soak up what I wish, and do away with the rest of what I see as unnecessary. But how am I to determine what is needed or unneeded? All knowledge and information that can be gained from this life should be important to me right? Do I take what I want and leave the rest, or do I take it all and use what I need to? Bare necessities.
It is very rare; a person who is taken for who he truly is. I assure you, in all your world there is nothing of yours that I desire. You cannot accept the knowledge you regard so highly. So you create a world where what you know to be true does not apply. This world of course is only a dream, though it appears breifly as a vision to those who believe it so desperately. It cannot be anything more.
ReplyDeleteyou are always dreaming, even when you are awake. Am I dreaming? Life itself is all a dream and only a vision. They have no existance; nothing exists except empty space and you. You are not you, you are only a thought. You, yourself, have no real existance. It is true that which I have revealed to you. There is no other world, afterworld, heaven, hell. You are alone; unaccompanied in a shoreless space to wander its limitless solitude forever.
I knew all he had said was true, but I hoped I was free todream other dreams and better.
We all wanted to be happy, so why aren't we? Because we've become experts at sabotaging our own happiness. Feeling like victims when in fact it's the choices we make, the bad habits, the vices, the inability to show love and compassion. These are the things that tear us down. We're not victims, we're assassi...ns when it comes to love and happiness.
ReplyDeleteDo not let your fire go out, spark it by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
ReplyDeleteDo you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives, or if the moments in our lives make us?
if you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? and if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? or break the heart of another? would you choose an entirely different path? or would you change just one thing? just one moment. One moment that you've always wanted back.
a woman needs to spend less time trying to change a man's opinion of her and more time trying to change the world
ReplyDeleteyou don't really have as much control over your life as you'd like (brett lalli)
ReplyDelete