What to do what to do....
There is whatever you call it still brewing inside of whatever emotion I have left. Is it a natural occurrence for a past love to reminisce and come back to me wanting something that was missing? If nothing at all were missing from the past, then what would be needed in today's present, let alone any pieces missing for the future? I am lost. I have created such a barrier inside of me that begins with internal damnation and results in external surroundings and figures following the flow. It begins with me. Why do I torture myself with thoughts of such chaos and indifference? I am making myself miserable by creating walls of suppression and unhappiness. I am always wanting more, yes, but how much more can I want? If I have everything that I need to survive and flourish, then what more is needed? I am driving myself mad. Sanity is nothing that I want anything to do with but at the same time everything. I cannot bear to live with normality on my side, yet what is normal anyhow? There is no norm in life specifically, but were all trying to in some way find it? Confusing isn't it? Consuming is a hit. We are all animals in a game of a maze wandering about to find what we all want, and each and every person's wants and needs are different so how are we supposed to know what we are looking for? Happiness is my conclusion for now...
I am floating and dragging my feet. I am a wreck of a wind sail trying to find the shore to ground myself yet believing and searching for total freedom. Bliss. What is it that I really want?
I don't see how I can want something in my past or live in my memories. Sure they make up who and what I stand for as a person and whatever more I'd like to convince myself to believe. But how am I to say that I miss the past when it is I who moved on and wanted to take new trials on? I am so lost. Thrilling isn't it? I am so lonely. What is opposed to this? I am so free. So what more do I need?
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